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Sunday, May 30, 2010

The 10 Commandments of the Shultz Home

If your a mom you know that there are very certain things that make your home run smoothly. Things that dare not be messed with, and also things that we wish would happen. And even though we know that they would make things so much better, it's a hassle to get everyone to abide by them. But, either way, they are things us moms know are right!

Here are my Ten Commandments for our home. Things that will make our lives easier. Well, my life anyway. Heck with everyone else, if mama ain't happy, no body happy.

#1. Thou shall pick up after your messy ass self. Put your dishes in the sink (or even better yet the freaking dishwasher!), socks in the hamper or washing machine, and for heaven's sakes, the kitchen table is NOT a trash can!

#2. Thou shall threat all three children equally. If one child gets 2 oreos, the other two children must also get 2 oreos. If you pour a glass of milk, all of them MUST have the same amount in each of their cups or the world will come to an end. And if one child loses a tooth and the tooth fairy visits and leaves that child a dollar, then the tooth fairy is ALWAYS smart enough to leave 50 cents for the other sibling, just for being a good sibling. Otherwise the whining of "it's just not fair!" will echo in your house for the rest of the day.

#3. Thou shall worship no other woman. I am the queen of your life. Mother and wife of the Shultz home. See the intro where it is stated "if mama ain't happy, no body happy"

#4. Children- For five days you shall labor, work hard at school and get good grades. On the 6th and 7th days you shall play and stay up late and eat all kinds of crap.

#5. Husband- For seven days you shall labor.

#6. Thou shall not lie. If you do and I catch you, there will be hell to pay.

#7. Thou shall not ask me for anything before I have had at least one cup of coffee in the morning. And if you do, be prepared for foot stomping, sighing, and bitching.

#8. Thou shall keep your room clean and free of mess, clutter, and food. A clean room, and a made bed makes a very happy mommy.

#9. Thou shall be a Phillies fan, and an Eagles fan.

#10. Thou shall honor your mother and father.